WISDOM OF THE SKULL FRIEND
IT HAS BEEN MANY YEARS SINCE THE MAINSTREAM HAS ENCOUNTERED "A SKULL FRIEND", FOR IT HAS BEEN EVEN MORE YEARS SINCE THE "SKULL FRIENDS" WERE TAKEN BY "THE CONFISCATORS OF YITHA", AND MORE STILL SINCE "SATHELOR'S CALLING". HOWEVER, CONSIDER THYSELF BLESSED BY THE ACCURSED, FOR NOW SHALL THE WISDOM OF ONE OF THE FEW REMAINING "SKULL FRIENDS" BE REBESTOWED UPON HUMANITY, THAT WE MAY COLLECTIVELY CALL IN THE NEW AGE, THE "AGE OF RAUSME, THE OWL, AND OF THE ADORANTS OF HER LONESOME FLIGHT".
YOU LEAN CLOSE TO HEAR THE DRY, HOARSE WHISPER. . . .
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"IS THERE LIFE ON OTHER PLANETS?"
THE SKULL FRIEND REPLIES:
"THERE ARE MANY PLANETS WITH MANY FORMS OF LIFE. HOWEVER, YOU SHOULD CONSIDER YOURSELF LUCKY IF YOU NEVER SEE THEM WITH YOUR OWN EYES."
"WHAT IS THE PURPOSE OF LIFE?"
THE SKULL FRIEND REPLIES:
"THE PURPOSE OF LIFE IS TO FIND VARIOUS SHELLS OF DIFFERENT SIZES AND COLORS AND ARRANGE THEM INTO A FUN PATTERN."
WITH A PRICK OF THINE BLOOD, AND A FLICK OF THINE NOSE, THOU CAN'ST ASK THE "SKULL FRIEND" THINE QUERY. DOST THOU, PERCHANCE, FORSOOTH?
"HOW CAN I HIDE MY PET IN MY PET-FREE APARTMENT?"
THE SKULL FRIEND REPLIES:
"IN TIMES OF THREAT TO OUR ALLIES, THE ONLY STANCE TO TAKE IS ONE OF OPEN DEFIANCE."
"AM I WEIRD FOR LIKING THE TASTE OF STAMPS?"
THE SKULL FRIEND REPLIES:
"I HAVE ANSWERED QUERIES FOR AEONS, AND JUDGING BY HOW OFTEN I HAVE ANSWERED THIS QUESTION, YOU ARE NOT."
"IS IT ILLEGAL TO EAT ROADKILL?"
THE SKULL FRIEND REPLIES:
"THERE ARE ACTUALLY NO LAWS ANYWHERE ABOUT EATING ROADKILL."
"HOW DO I GET MY FRIENDS INTO MY FAVORITE BANDS?"
THE SKULL FRIEND REPLIES:
"DO NOT ASK THEM. JUST PLAY THE MUSIC. IF THEY TRY TO LEAVE DENY THEM THE ABILITY."
"I BROKE MY FAVORITE MUG. AM SAD?"
THE SKULL FRIEND REPLIES:
"I AM SORRY ABOUT YOUR MUG. DO NOT FEEL SHAME ABOUT CARING FOR INANIMATE THINGS; OUR ENVIRONMENTS ARE EXTENSIONS OF OURSELVES."
"WHAT DO I DO ABOUT MY RENT?"
THE SKULL FRIEND REPLIES:
"DO NOT PAY IT . WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO ? I DO NOT PAY RENT."
"WHAT DOES YOUR GLOWING SYMBOL MEAN?"
THE SKULL FRIEND REPLIES :
"IT IS THE SYMBOL OF SATHELOR, AN ANCIENT BEING OF INCREDIBLE KNOWLEDGE. THE EIGHT POINTS REPRESENT SATHELOR'S EIGHT MINDS. EACH MIND HAS EIGHT HEADS, AND EACH HEAD HAS EIGHT SKULLS. I BELIEVE IT IS ALSO A SYMBOL OF ANARCHO VEGANISM. COINCIDENCE."
"WERE ROSS AND RACHEL ON A BREAK?"
THE SKULL FRIEND REPLIES:
"APOLOGIES, I AM MORE OF A SEINFELD TALISMAN."
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