my diary

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april 19 2025

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went to this party to meet this fuckin guy my friend's been telling me about for ages saying he can fix my shit, this fuckin guru who's got like the inside knowledge on the earthbound locals. get there and the dude's playing this fuckin edm fest electric daisy sao paolo ass ocean of people ass music and i'm like, get the fuck outta here. this isn't the kinda shit these fuckboys need to be dabblin in. but my friend says he's legit, that he gave her a bag of dirt with something in it, and she put it under her house, and she's been like super lucky ever since. so after the fuckin "concert" we're in the bedroom of the guy's house, he's showing his dj shit to my friend and there's this other guy there too just smoking our weed, i dunno if he knew there was mugwort in it. i start telling the guy about the dream about the black hole, and that if i saw the earthbound local again i could recognize them and talk to them or maybe make a pact, and then the fuckin dj guru finally comes out with a fucking ORACLE deck. and he's like "think of the problem and draw the solution" and i wanted to smack this dumbass hypnotist poser to the other plane, but he started drawing cards himself when nobody was impressed, and it looks like something else is coming his fuckin way, for real. anyway, we got the fuck outta there and i still got the fuckin problem too, man, jesus. waste of a fuckin sunday.

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mar 3 2025

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God forbid it bite ya. Don't let it bite ya. That spider'll bite ya. Spider bite. Hurt. Hurt! Spider bite. That spider bite HURT! Ouch! OUCH! Spider bit me! Ouch! That spider bit me! Ouch! That spider bit me! Quit it spider, biting me. Quit biting me spider, gah. Spider bite. Spider bite, boy! What happen? Spider bite. That spider bit me where the good Lord split me. You definitely don't want that spider to bit ya where the good Lord split ya, cuz that's just messy. Your butt start sliding down. That's messy. It's mesty, it's messy, nasty. Just don't let it happen. Don't let it happen. Unless you wanna be Scarface when you grow up don't let no brown recluse bite ya on the face. Alright, now.

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feb 16 2025

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y'know, it's funny. i saw this meme one time that said, "sometimes i think i'm ugly, but then i just wash my hair." and yeah, as someone with long hair, it made me laugh. and it made me think, my hair is actually kind of greasy right now. i should go shower. so i went to the bathroom, turned on the water, and got in (after taking off clothes of course!). soon i felt totally new and wonderful. and as i started drying off i looked in the mirror. but i was different in it. i looked tired. my hair was matted, sandy with dandruff. but mostly i looked like something i've never seen before. i looked like contempt. dead, dreadful contempt. "sometimes i think you're ugly," i slithered from a groggy mouth, "but then you just wash your hair."

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jan 2 2025

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woah, hey. did you see that? just over there, by that storage unit that opens directly onto the street with the wide open door and the swinging chain. look after this truck finishes going by. i thought i saw something. well, i don't see it now. wait, look closer. do you see it? there's something there. in the storage unit. it's, i think its a man. there's a man with a keyring. a big keyring, with hundreds of keys, and he's flipping them one by one between his fingers, feeling them, knowing them, knowing which one will lock the storage unit door, knowing what door each one unlocks, knowing where those doors are, and knowing who's behind them. or maybe it was just a shadow.